For my cousin Vic...

I don't even know if you'll ever see this.......

but i have to tell you THANK YOU. I so wish I could come home and hug your neck and express my deep love and appreciation to you. Vic, you may not know it, and that's my fault for being so far away and so busy with my family, but you have made such a difference in my life. You, and Alisa and Victor and Bonnie, too. You're the only COUSIN in our family on either side who ever really showed that they cared about me. All those years, growing up, nobody else ever really even gave me the time of day. But, you spent time with me. You helped me when things were really tough at home. I always knew that your house was a safe place. Remember, I even came there a time or two on my own...

Since Dad called me last night to tell me what happened with you, I have been experiencing those "soap opera moments"... you know, the ones where on the soap operas and someone gets sick or dies, they go back and show all the highlights of that person's life and what they have meant to each person... memories. Well, that's what I've been experiencing the last 12 hours or so. It means so much to me to have some of those doors unlocked by the memories we share, Vic. I couldn't remember a lot of those things until now, but it seems like a movie that just replays in my mind. You were always SO sweet to me... and I don't think I have a single childhood memory that doesn't have you in it. Remember that tiny little black furry puppy that was at Grandma's house when I was........ maybe 4 years old? He was so teeny tiny, and I wanted to hold him... and you helped me. Thank you. I treasure that, and so many more memories of you. I remember when you had brought Adam to our house and I didn't know what to think of him... but you encouraged us to play outside, and I remember that we went and had a contest of who could find the most "locust" shells........ that was your idea. Do you know, that even today, I play that game with my kids? Yes, there are cicadas here in Las Vegas......... but we don't have any tree frogs that I've been able to find. Perhaps that's the lack of trees......... or maybe it's the lack of tropical atmosphere. ;)

Fishing. Detailing your and Dad's cars. Going to the grocery store with Mom and Alisa and you... Any time at Grandma's house. My how you loved her... and she loved YOU! And, how the both of you loved me. You know, Alisa was your perfect match. She still is. Thank you for always treating her and the children with love and kindess. And, for loving them unconditionally. I remember when you came to Denver to see us. I wasn't around much, considering that I had moved out, and things between me and my parents were terrible... but you made sure I knew you were in town, and that you wanted to see ME. I can't tell you how that made me feel. Then, the design jobs you helped me get... you'll never know how much that meant to me. My success was important to you, enough that you put yourself on the line to make it happen. Thank you thank you thank you!

I don't know how you're doing this morning. Dad said that the doctors had to revive you three times during your surgeries yesterday. The veil is very thin. I want so much to be able to do more for you, for Alisa, and for Victor and Bonnie. I wish I could come home. I can't. But, I hope that you know that I am there in my heart. Grandma "visited" me yesterday morning... I was getting something out of my jewelry box, and she entered my mind. I was thinking that it's been 8 years since I saw her on this Earth, and how I love her and miss her. I even spoke out loud to her, and thanked her for dropping by, and asked if she could put in a good word with the Guy Upstairs to help us get into this amazing house we are trying to buy. She's always made it a point to help me in situations like that... it's because of her that I have my girls. She told me she'd see to my getting a girl, personally... and she did. Did she ever??? 5 girls later.... wow! So, I asked for help with the house. I told her I loved her, and then rushed into my day. I got to the social security office, and while I was standing in line, I was sort of visited again. There was a little older woman in front of me. She had the same wavy black hair that Grandma had. She was about the same size, build. She wore a polyester dress that had little black clovers all over it -- something Grandma would've had in her closet. She even had the comfy shoes Grandma loved so much. As I stood behind her I remember thinking to myself... wow, she REALLY reminds me of Grandma. And then... the lady turned around, and I saw her face. She looked about as much like Grandma as she possibly could....... only she was Oriental. LOL That part made me smile..... nice, Grandma. I felt her near several more times throughout the day. We got a call that our financing had been approved by the lender, and I knew she had a hand in that. There are more hurdles to cross -- such as getting the offer accepted -- minor things, you know. LOL -- but knowing that her hand, and the hand of the Lord are in it...... I have faith. Grandma has surely given me that gift. She taught us faith and perseverance. She taught me about endurance. She taught me to truly love the Lord. And, I want you to know, Vic. I do. I do love Him with all my heart. And, I pray (and know!) that He is taking care of you. And, that His will will be done. I am conflicted because I want so much for you to live, and to stay here with us, but then at the same time, I want you to go... Know Him as I know Him. Let Him take you in His arms, and Love you with His Perfect Love.

I know we haven't talked much about religion over the years, Vic. But, I do thank you so much for always loving me, and never turning your back on our family. When we joined the Church, you still loved us, even when a lot of members of our family really backed off and seemed to think we were weird. I never have borne my testimony to you, outright, before. But, I want you to know that I KNOW God lives. And, I know He loves you. He loves ALL of His children! And, he wants us to be happy.... part of that is that He wants us to be part of His Eternal Family. Do you know that your family can be FOREVER? It makes so much more sense, doesn't it? I'm sure that you're being taught this, and that maybe you've even seen Grandma and Vivian and Rhonda and Roger, among others. Listen to them. Give them my love...... and know that I promise to do more to make our family eternal.

The children are waking, and my crazy day begins... but it begins with a beautiful sunrise, and a prayer for you. I'll keep that prayer going continuously in my heart. I love you. And I thank you for everything...... I've placed your name on the prayer roll at the temple. God Bless You.

Your CUZZIN... ;)

Jeana